Update and lyrics

So the new album, which is probably going to be called "Cathexis," is well on its way toward completion. There are 13 tracks in various states of doneness. I anticipate a late spring or early summer release.

A few things about this album. First, it is a curious blend of old and new. Yes, I always include both old and new songs on my albums. But in this case, in addition to purely old and purely new, there are also two tracks ("All" and "Faith Proposal") that feature old lyrics set to new music. This occurred as a result of the way the new material was written: instead of writing words, melody, and music all at once like I usually would, I pieced together music for the new songs part-by-part. Often I liked a riff or a short chord progression and put it down to tape, then came back later and added something else to it, and did this a few times until I had a song pieced together. Then it came time to set words and a melody to the songs. I find lyric-writing a tedious process. Looking for ideas in my notebook of songs, I found a number of songs for which I could remember not a bit of the music (this is bound to happen when you don't know how to write music so you just trust you'll remember when you see the lyrics). Figuring these would go to waste otherwise, I pilfered the lyrics and fit them to the music I had. Presto! Old lyrics finish new song.

The majority of the album ("Apropos," "Bargain Song," "Center of the Universe," "Drop Anchor," "Forty Nights," "Validation," and "Whole/Part") is comprised of completely new material, written and recorded using the bit-by-bit approach described above.

The older songs mostly go back more than a decade: "Turn it Home" was written around 2000, "Paragon" in 1998, and "Done (Where I'll Be)" around 1997. The exception is "Recipe for Ruin," which was written for Todd Rooster (and we played it out a few times before the band dissolved) probably around 2004 or 2005.

There are plenty more songs in that book. No, I don't know how all of them go.

So, now that all of the songs have vocals, I'm posting lyrics. It's all on tape, so it's all final.

All

Been balled up so long,

been thinking myself around this.

Been bound up and tied.

It’s been falling off around the edges.

And I know I was a fool

to try and tame your weary mind.

Because after all,

this love was all I had.

It was all I had.

It’s aching so hard,

it won’t stop for anything I do.

It’s my thing, I know,

but I can’t believe you’re just pretending.

And far away I feel a change

is coming where I find it.

Because after all

this world is all I have.

Yeah, it’s all I have.

And do you know what you know?

Because the world can see through

the self you sell to them.

It’s a shadow of what you really are.

And when your sky is falling

don’t be surprised at all when

the world just turns around

and back to what they have.

It’s all they have.

Apropos

It can't go on like this forever.

You're there, I'm here, the space expands.

I feel afraid of what it means for you.

All of these forgotten freedoms

feel like ill-gotten treasures.

I know you know what I mean.

No denial.

And every night we play the same old tune.

And yeah it's familiar,

but that still don't make it comfortable.

I can't believe it's setting in so soon.

All these things connecting people;

still I can't give what is needed.

At home we're all alone.

No denial.

Ooh, I believe in you,

but there's nothing I can do

but make myself more comfortable.

It's apropos.

Bargain Song

Ooh, open a window.

We've breathed up all the air we had in here.

Ooh, I see a rainbow.

Pull this thing over while we can;

let's have ourselves a look.

I wanna strike a bargain with the rest of my head

to leave myself alone,

but no matter what I say to get rid of that pest

he's all over me.

It's hard in this light to make out,

but I think I might see the gold.

That's just a thing they say.

Let's just get ourselves back on the road.

Ooh, you're on the top now,

and I have no surprises up my sleeve.

Whether or not we like it,

we've both gotta live with me.

Part of the trick is making me think

I'm the one who's in control.

It hardly even matters what you use as a stick

to nudge me along.

It's hard in this light to make out,

but that might be a Z ahead.

That's just a game we play.

Let's just keep the tires on the road.

We haven't seen a sign for such a long time

we've drifted off the road.

Whatever you say I will steer us that way,

just help me along.

I hardly know what to say now

or if I should speak at all.

Maybe I'll just wait a while.

Ooh, I see a rainbow.

Center of the Universe

I wonder with you, girl,

Do you know what your ramblings mean?

It's not breaking news girl

that what you wanted was a chance to be seen.

It's hard to undo, girl,

so you're copping with the boys on the green.

But what'll you do, girl,

when your time is up in this side routine?

Try maybe opening your eyes if you wanna see.

It's heartbrake anew, girl,

but you're not gonna let it be known.

The last thing you'd do, girl,

is let another human into your zone.

It's awfully true, girl,

that you don't take too well to being dethroned.

But I know a thing or two

about your allergy to being alone.

Because I can hardly do it myself to tell you the truth.

You want to know what I think of you.

So I'll tell you what I'm gonna do:

I'm gonna park right here and spell it out for you

until you don't wanna know anymore.

If you believe what the pundits all are saying to you

then you're in for a bit of a shock.

It's a bomb to drop,

but you are honestly not

the center of the universe. Oh yeah.

Ooh, the center of the universe.

Done (Where I’ll Be)

Step inside, the door’s open.

Any time you want, you can have a tour.

It’s alright, you’ve spoken.

Anything you are, you can be much more.

Don’t it feel good to know

you’re one of us now

and you can fall apart?

Don’t you need to know

you’re one of us now

and this could be the start

of something that is whole?

Don’t forget to know:

what shows is not what you can be.

Where the river flows far below

is where I’ll be

and you can come and find me.

Don’t forget your heart

on your way out the door.

Don’t regret it

though you find that you want it.

You’re not the one to feel you’re done.

You’re in for the ride of your life, boy.

Come inside and see.

Drop Anchor

I'm here with you;

and the walls that'll hold

all that you spit up forever.

From there it's up to you.

You've tried it your way.

If it worked you'd be somewhere

where you didn't have to see it.

You're much too far askew.

One two, one two

Is this thing even on?

Now I've got you blown away

and you're out in the night alone.

I was thinking I might relieve you,

now seemingly I was wrong.

I jabbed you in the soul.

You're out to sea and I cut off your anchor.

Who said to you

that don't have to face

what is just below the surface?

That's no support at all.

I'm here with you.

Why not try to make this time

something you'll see as productive?

Or just keep writing it off.

One two, one two

Is this thing even on?

All I've got's this faulty mic

and intentions to play a song.

I was thinking I might receive you

as you stumbled into the dawn,

but I can never reach you now.

You're out to sea and you've dropped your anchor.

Faith Proposal

I’m elusive. Try to move.

Spark me when I’m in the range,

it's my livelihood.

Tie the loose ends. Try to move.

All it is, is endless change.

Hardly new.

Got another offer,

it won’t be like the last.

You can keep your faith

and all you’ve learned

entirely enmeshed.

All you’ve ever wanted lies within.

Now, when you say inside of you it lives,

(You’ve gotta tune yourself)

I say it’s in everything

(Try to move)

All you see.

The part you need to get to now,

is out of use.

Imagine that the father

is not a man at all.

It’s an energy that dominates

everything we know.

All is as it should be in the scale.

Give what you believe that you should get.

I’m elusive.

(Ooh, but does it love us all?)

Try to move.

(Ooh, what if love is gone?)

Spark me when I’m in the range,

it’s my livelihood.

It’s my livelihood.

Forty Nights

I lift my bags into the X-ray.

Just a little while and I'll be at the gate.

Don't you step across my path

because I'm flying to see my baby.

And I don't worry much at all

about the falling snow.

It's a minor thing.

It won't stop us taking off

Once we're pulled up in the clouds

I can drop it all

It's behind me now

and I have never been more alive

than tonight.

And what you see's what you get.

What you want to be?

I believe I can see who you are

when you talk with me.

So you can drop the pageant.

What's your world where you are?

Where's your heart belong?

You can open your soul

only for so long

to the ones that know you

on the ground.

When I'm out on the curb

I'm like a castaway,

watching the horizon while the light fades.

And I can almost see you now.

I'm waiting for my baby.

And I don't worry much at all

about the flight back home;

I can face it now.

I’ve been on my own a while.

If I can hold you just a while,

I can brave the storm.

And I'll be back again

for another forty nights

like tonight.

Paragon

There’s no spitting out this accolade

while you’re listening

so I’m pulling out the grand brigade

when you’ve gone.

Try pouring out the bottled rain

on a tissue.

In theory, all the scattered pain

lingers on.

But I see far beyond.

And I bleed, you paragon.

But I’ll try not to bring you down.

Blown back, I feel the wind upon me.

Thrown down, I flutter like the leaves

but I feel. Yeah, I feel.

Toneless from the color of the window,

no less than how it seems in here,

but it’s real. Yeah, it’s real.

But all this came from nothing

or more than I see,

so it seems that I’m free.

Two shadows crossing in the glade,

and it glistens.

Go find what all’s around to take

and be gone.

Quite sure I’ll wonder in the grave

what if this was.

No sense in arguing the case

when I’m strong.

But the season is long

and I need to wander on.

So I’ll try not to bring you down.

I’ve grown back to where the light can find me,

but suppose that that separated stalk

I can feel? Can I feel?

Mowed down, and feed the soil beside me.

Home-bound, divided into blocks,

is it real? Is that real?

But all this came to nothing,

or more than I see,

so it’d seem that I’m free.

I guess I’m free.

Recipe for Ruin

Out all the time.

Partial to wine.

The blackouts are getting less frequent.

I think it’s alright.

Almost of age,

with life center-stage.

The harder they push us,

the farther we slip in our minds.

Taking it slow.

Try to lay low.

The panic is getting more frequent.

It’s just not alright.

One of these times,

gonna rise up and fight.

I’m taking it back, win or lose.

I’m too far behind.

Turn it Home

Crazy? What’s to say we’re not

all-out, in relative time?

No one likes the unknown.

Backlight is so hard to find.

But I wonder what you feel

would qualify when you’re alone,

when it’s harder, harder to point it

outside than to turn it home?

Lockdown. Until secure,

there’s no coming in or out.

But I wonder what’s to fear

in speaking out about what is wrong?

Do you think I would turn around

and walk out of where I belong?

Far along we’ll get it all the right way.

It’s hard to know when things are so bizarre.

All along I’ve known you’re there beside me,

wishing I could see within you shine.

Within you shines.

Timely to have this brawl,

now that we had set it right.

Hardly the last we’ll know,

but less of it’s maybe down the road.

But we’re under a fair amount

of strain here, heaven knows.

And that unknown you fear so much

includes the ones that you hold close.

Validation

There are only so many things

that you can read into me.

I reach out, you hold me.

I feel down, you console me.

When I stand out, you go with me.

What I need now,

I need some validation.

I just want some validation.

When you run out, I refill you.

When you spend too long in the milieu.

You wind down, I begin you.

You turn around, I will straighten you out.

There're only so many things

that you can read into me.

I need some validation.

I just want some validation.

(I keep on falling down)

I'm about to lower it down.

Can you take it from me now?

I can't no longer carry around.

Please just take it from me now.

I just need some validation.

(I keep on falling down)

Whole/Part

Ooh, so: you got your look.

I've got a world to my little wise self.

I'm not involved in what you do out.

I'm not alone but I stick to myself.

And I’ve been longing for some belonging.

I can't just bust into your party uninvited.

And once it's started, I'll take a hard edge,

and I will make it so you want me to leave.

Ooh, I long to know what I feel like to you.

Ooh, but what you say is all I'll ever know,

and I can't trust in you.

I hole back up for days.

I try to believe that it's all in my head,

but I know myself too well

to fall for a line like that.

Is it whole? Is it part?

Is there something I can do for next time?

Should I just be less of myself?

Is there something I've just never learned?

Help me learn.

Ooh, I long to know what I feel like to you.

Ooh, but what you say is all I'll ever know,

and I can't trust in you.